


Fragile

by Elisexyz



Series: We could build a house [8]
Category: Black Sails
Genre: Canon Compliant, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Introspection, M/M, Post-Canon, Talking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-07
Updated: 2020-01-07
Packaged: 2021-02-27 14:48:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 804
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22088896
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elisexyz/pseuds/Elisexyz
Summary: Thomas attempts an apology.
Relationships: Captain Flint | James McGraw/Thomas Hamilton
Series: We could build a house [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1425421
Comments: 20
Kudos: 96





	Fragile

**Author's Note:**

> Sometimes I have feelings about Thomas, and then they turn into feelings about James, and then they become feelings about ThomasAndJames...

Thomas brings it up on the very first day, when they are holed up in a quiet corner, James still dizzy and unsure if any of this is real to begin with, head resting against Thomas’ shoulder and one arm around his waist, the opposite hand clasping his shirt. Even though Thomas’ skin is still burning like the sun and James is half-covered in sweat, he doesn’t dream of moving away.

“I am so sorry,” Thomas says, voice heavy with guilt.

James doesn’t immediately realize that he has spoken to begin with, the tiredness of ten years heavy on his shoulders and no desire but enjoying the moment, for however long it lasts.

(He still isn’t wholly convinced that he isn’t dreaming. Or hallucinating. Or maybe dead, though he doesn’t expect _this_ to be what would have greeted him, had Silver shot him in the head.)

(He chases away that thought, because Silver—Silver’s is not a face that he wishes to dwell on right now.)

“Sorry for what?” he eventually asks, voice hoarse and careful, because god knows if he hasn’t had good dreams that shattered because he made a wrong movement, in the past.

Thomas, one arm tight around his shoulders and one hand wrapped around his, holds him a little tighter.

“I cannot imagine what happened to you, in these past ten years—” he begins, and James’ stomach shrinks, because Thomas doesn’t _know_ anything, and—and he must tell him, sooner or later. “But whatever it is, it only happened because of me.”

“What?” James intervenes, without even sparing a thought for it, his instinct immediately rejecting that nonsense. He pulls away just enough to look at Thomas’ face, finding it twisted in a pained grimace. “What are you talking about? You didn’t do anything.”

“Oh, I did plenty,” Thomas snorts, shaking his head. “And I’ve had a lot of time to reflect on it too.” James wants to intervene, to chase away that shadow that doesn’t belong on Thomas’ beautiful face, but he isn’t fast enough. “I was careless, I embarked on a dangerous quest to seek change and I destroyed your life, yours and Miranda’s, in doing so. And for that I am extremely sorry.”

James doesn’t know if he should laugh or cry.

“Believe me,” he says, with a self-deprecating snort. “Even if that were true, I am not worthy of your apologies.”

“Of course you are,” Thomas counters, voice unwavering.

James can only shake his head, the lump in his throat too prominent to let him speak without fear of choking on his own sins.

“James?”

How can he even begin to explain to Thomas just how much he changed for the worst, in his absence? How he let himself drown in his rage, especially after he lost Miranda too and he had no shred of light to hold onto anymore?

Lately, it had felt like he’d managed to dig back up a few pieces of himself, but it certainly can’t be enough to lay himself before Thomas with any hope of being forgiven.

“James.”

He squeezes his eyes, taking a steading breath. “Yeah?” he gets out, rough and a little chocked, as he mentally prays Thomas to just—stop asking. To not make him speak of things that could very easily destroy this little moment of happiness.

“I love you as much as I did the last time I saw you,” Thomas says, gentle and so earnest it makes him burn with shame and love at the same time. “Perhaps even more so. _Always toward absent lovers love’s tide stronger flows_ , doesn’t it?”

James lets out a wet chuckle, tears of fondness burning in his eyes as his chest aches with how much he had missed all the little things about having him.

“It does,” he says, with only a shred of voice and his mind full of the pain that he carried with him during all the years he spent haunted by a face that he loved so dearly he couldn’t believe had started to blur so easily. His love never once wavered, never once was drowned by all the darkness.

Thomas gives him a squeeze, taking a deep breath. “I’ve missed you so very much,” he tells him, his voice strained. “The only thing that matters to me is that I’ve got you back. Whatever you did—it brought you back to me.”

James nods, though he cannot bring himself to believe that Thomas would be as forgiving if he actually knew everything, but he seems to have stopped asking, so James won’t tell for now.

He wishes he could promise him that he’s still someone deserving of his affections.

“They will have to kill me to take you from me again, I swear to you,” he says instead.

 _That_ he absolutely can vow.

**Author's Note:**

> This story is part of the [LLF Comment Project](https://longlivefeedback.tumblr.com/llfcommentproject), which was created to improve communication between readers and authors. This author invites and appreciates comments, including: 
> 
>   * Short comments
>   * Long comments
>   * Questions
>   * “<3” as extra kudos
>   * Reader-reader interaction
> 

> 
> If you don’t want a reply, for any reason, feel free to sign your comment with “whisper” and I will appreciate it but not respond!


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